Access Granted
by TheNewIdea
Summary: Perry was definitely not father material. A secret agent with a severe speech impediment and virtually no friends is already bad enough. Throw in the fact that he has a dark past and there's another problem. Not to mention his lack of social skills and two left feet. So what makes him a good father? Perry/OC POV. Rated T for language, dramatic themes and alcohol references.
1. The Platypus and the Duck

Chapter One

The Platypus and the Duck

So far my life has only ever been one of happiness and joy. I have had bad days to be sure, but I always managed to find the light at the end of the tunnel and keep crawling through until I reached the other side. The brightest light I ever faced was not my leaving the OWCA. That was nothing compared to what I did after. As I look to my right, I see my life sleeping next to me. He is everything that I'll ever need. He is small, helpless and like me, lonely. His name is Terry and he is my son. We look nothing alike, for he is a duck, but I couldn't ask for anything better for nothing, at least in my eyes, is.

My name is Perry the Platypus and this is a story of love, friendship and hope, a story that begins three days ago, during my last mission to stop Doofenshrimtz. It was in the middle of summer. Phineas and Ferb had decided that today they were going to rebuild the animal-human speech translator, which was fine by me, for I had things that I needed to say and all the time in the world to say it in.

That morning I decided to play it easy and simply knocked on Doofenshrimtz's front door. When he didn't answer, I tried the doorknob only to find it locked. Rolling my eyes at Doofenshrimtz's paranoia, I pulled out the key he had given me and opened the door. Walking inside I was surrounded by numerous boxes, Doofenshrimtz's Inators were in the corner of the room in a pile. From the looks of things it looks like he was finally doing it, for he had been talking about leaving Danville for quite some time. _"Doof" _I called only making chattering sounds as I looked around and finding no sign of the doctor, _"Doof, where are yah buddy?"_ My answer was a loud clanking sound, immediately followed by the sound of broken glass. I followed the sound to find Norm and Doofenshrimtz falling over each other in an attempt to stand, "Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshrimtz exclaimed happily as he extended his hand for help, which I took. "Norm was just helping me pack some things; clumsy idiot has two left feet though." I laughed took off my fedora, simultaneously looking down and all noticing that I also had two left feet.

I gurgled in an attempt to speak, I hadn't done it in so long that I had forgotten how. On my first attempt, I only managed to get out small grunts and whistles. I swallowed hard, cleared my throat and tried again, "I-I-I go-goanna mi-mi-miss yo-y-you Doof-y." I stuttered having no idea why I added the Y at the end of Doof's shortened name. Doofenshrimtz only smiled and embraced me, I didn't protest or so much as move, I just accepted the moment and sighed deeply taking in the smell of his lab coat for some reason smelling of cherries and cough medicine. "It hurts doesn't it?" Doofenshrimtz asked, looking down at me with concern, "When you speak?" I nodded, causing Doofenshrimtz to do the same. He knelt down and pulled out a stethoscope, I turned to Norm, completely confused and back to Doofenshrimtz with the same expression. I then began signing, _"What's with the stethoscope?"_ Doofenshrimtz rolled his eyes and signed back, _"I have a PhD for a reason Perry. I do other things because try and take over the Tri-State Area you know."_ When Doofenshrimtz had the time to practice medicine I will never know.

Doofenshrimtz walked over to his patio, when my cell phone rang; answering it I found it to be my brother Platyborg on the other line. "Perry I have great news man" Platyborg began, "W-w-what is itt?" I asked out of curiosity, "You're going to be an uncle. You know that girl you set me up with at the zoo? Well...come down and say hello to your new nephew." I was so excited that I put on my jetpack and took to the air without getting on the patio first, hitting my head on Doofenshrimtz's ceiling. Doofenshrimtz turned around to see what the commotion was, "Perry the Platypus!" he cried, "What do you think you're doing?" I was too excited to answer and wasn't versed enough in human speech or grammar to give a proper answer so I simply began screaming my head off as I flew off towards Danville Zoo.

Ten minutes later I was at the platypus exhibit. Platyborg recently got an upgrade in programming, his robotic parts made to look organic, making him the splitting image of me, was sitting on a rock next to Veronica, the platypus that I set him up with. In Veronica's arms wrapped in a blanket was my nephew. Walking over I swung my arm around and embraced Platyborg who returned it with equal affection, "W-w-what's h-h-his na-name?" I asked, ready to make a mental note and automatically love whatever it was they chose. Platyborg smiled as we broke away, "Named him after our hero-Perry." I was deeply moved, so much so that I didn't even try to speak. I could only sign. _"Thank you Platy"_ I replied, _"You don't know what it means to me."_ Platyborg smiled and nodded in a deep understanding that I've had with no one else, "Yes I do" he answered, "That's why we also named you his godfather." This was more than I was able to bear and so I once again swallowed my pride and cried.

I don't get emotional but when I do I let you know. My knees shake, I start sweating milk and sometimes my fur falls out due to the shaking. This reaction is a result of a minor birth defect, which in addition to my occasion stuttering and bad grammar results in ridicule at both the agency and on the street when I'm alone. In the company of family however, I was perfectly calm, as if their presence alone was enough to keep me grounded. I turned towards Veronica and took her hand lovingly, no longer able to sign I just began mouthing words, fortunately both Platyborg and Veronica were skilled lip readers. "Congratulations guys" I said, smiling from ear to ear as I looked down at my small namesake. "You should be proud." Platyborg and Veronica each took a hand on my shoulder and brought me in a group hug.

I am by no means a hugger or a people person but I will bend the rules for certain people. So far only four people were on that list: Doofenshrimtz, Platyborg, Veronica and Agent S, a seagull and my best friend.

Across from the platypus exhibit was the duck exhibit. Looking over out of curiosity, I saw a single egg sitting alone in a nest by a small pond. "Poor little guy" Platyborg said as he followed my gaze, landing on the egg, "All alone in that little cage with no one to take care of him." This cut me deep, deeper than it should've for I born in a hatchery outside the Florida everglades and never knew my parents save for a few short months until the OWCA came in and took me for scientific experiments. Without looking at Platyborg I began to rapidly sign, it was so fast that I had to slow down in order for Platyborg to interpret it. "He doesn't have a family. Parents were killed in the wild. No other living relatives." This only made the cut deeper. To get my mind off of it I turned my attention towards Veronica and the baby but she immediately saw the look in my eye, the look of desperation and helplessness that any respecting parent would have when the welfare of their child is at stake. It was as if she knew, Platyborg looked at me again and saw this too. "Go" Platyborg said, "its okay. You've seen him and he's seen you." I looked down at my nephew once again, his eyes were open, his tiny, small beady little eyes.

My cell phone rang again, this time it was Major Monogram. I bade them goodbye and walked over to the other side of the exhibit and answered the phone, "W-w-what i-i-is i-i-it sir?" I asked more annoyed than curious, "I'mm k-k-kinda b-b-b-busy." Monogram huffed and motioned for me to pull up my watch, apparently wanting me to sign everything to prevent me from stuttering or even so much as trying to speak. Once I did so, Monogram spoke again, "I know that it's bad timing and extremely short notice but I have a new assignment for you." I groaned, not really wanting to do any more work today and wanting nothing more than to just go to the duck exhibit, sit with the egg for a few minutes and go home. "We've recently gotten word that a duck is due to be hatched at the zoo and we need you to get it for us." My eyes widened both at the coincidence and the order itself, _"Sir"_ I began, _"Let me make something perfectly clear. I will gladly take this duck kid, but I will not under any circumstances give him to you. No one deserves that." _Monogram remained silent, uncertain of my motives and curious as to why I was being so defensive, "Agent P" Monogram replied, "I know that this is difficult for you. With your background it's understandable, but please try and understand where we're coming from. The OWCA is the best place for it now." I shook my head in disagreement, not believing that Monogram could be so subjective, _"The duck is a boy sir. Not an 'it', a 'him' do you understand where I'm coming from? Because I don't think you do. I don't think you're capable of such things like basic human emotion or feelings. Why I don't even think you're human anymore sir. Have you no consideration for life? Trust me sir and I mean this with the up most respect, the OWCA would be the worst thing you could do. The best thing for him is to give him a family, that's it, nothing more and nothing less."_

Before Monogram could retort I hung up the phone and headed for the duck exhibit. I sat down beside it; it was awkward at first, sitting next to the still egg. After a few minutes I began talking to it, like you would to a friend. "I-i-it's okay" I began trying to control my stutter, "Y-y-you're n-n-not alo-alon-alone." I gave up speaking and just stuck to chatter, hoping that the duck would understand, _"Not anymore. I understand buddy, it's not easy being alone. I was alone for a long time, longer than I'd like to be I'll tell you that. Sometimes I dream about what it would be like if my parents were still alive. I guess I would be happy, but then I guess it's sort of bitter sweet to me, for I wouldn't have Phineas and Ferb."_ I stopped and smiled, realizing that I hadn't told him anything about the boys yet. Instinctively I looked at the egg and gently rubbed it, I could hear the duck inside of it pecking at the shell. He would be free in minutes. _"Don't rush"_ I told the duck, _"The world isn't going to leave you behind. It's not on a fast track or anything." _The duck, as if he could hear me, slowed the pecking down but still continued. I ignored this and gently patted the egg once again. _"You would like Phineas and Ferb"_ I continued, getting back on topic, _"I would tell you more but I can't. For nothing I could say would ever do them justice as to what they mean to me. Maybe one day you'll meet them."_ The duck's beak broke through the shell, I jumped back both in surprise and to give it room.

I noticed that the duck was more specifically a mallard duck. Overall he still had his brown feathers but these would eventually turn into dark green on his head. The small black ring around his neck made him look like a female mallard but one look at the underside confirmed that the duck was indeed male. I knew that helping the duck break out of its shell would ultimately weaken it in the future, or so I'm told, so I helplessly watched the duck escape his egg for five long agonizing minutes.

When the duck was free, he immediately looked around the exhibit and saw that it was relatively empty. He quacked once, trying to call for his mother. While the duck was doing this I instantly began to wonder why a duck would be in a zoo to begin with, then I saw an emblem on the wall, the emblem of the OWCA. It was all too obvious. This zoo served as breeding and recruiting grounds for Monogram, which meant that no animal could be left out of the equation. It also meant that my nephew, Platyborg and Veronica were also in danger of being taken away and trained to become agents. There was no way I was about to let that happen.

I tried to get the duck's attention by calling it over, I remembered a mimicry class that I took during my training course and did my best version of a female mallard duck's call. This worked all too well, for as soon as I called the duck came running towards me and gently caressed my feet. To counteract this I then used the call for a male mallard, which caused the duck to give a second look at me, but ultimately remain unchanged. To get the duck to follow me, I swished my tail in a circular motion, once again using mimicry of a duck's tail and once again, to my amazement, it actually worked. I then slowly and carefully made my way towards the platypus exhibit.

Platyborg and Veronica were more than surprised to find the duck behind me; in fact you might even say they were appalled. Before any of them could say anything though I gave my explanation via rapid signing. _"This whole zoo is a breeding ground for Monogram. He's going to take away Perry unless we get you guys out of here."_ Platyborg wasted no time in believing me, having seen and most likely guessed that this place was used for that purpose and immediately unfolding his wings, the whole operation looked painful for upon ejection, the wings tore at Platyborg's skin, large cuts appeared on his sides and his face was obviously in great pain. "Veronica" Platyborg said with a wave of his hand, "Grab on to me, and hold the baby close. We're getting out of here." Veronica had the look of a person who is being rushed into things too fast and all at once but seeing as there was no time to argue complied with Platyborg.

Picking up the duck and harnessing him to my chest I put on my jetpack and took to the sky with Platyborg and Veronica following close behind.


	2. How to Kill the Heartwarming Moment

Chapter Two

How to Kill the Heartwarming Moment (in less than 2,000 Words)

Present Day

Looking around the dark room where we lay in peace I noticed one of Phineas' blueprints for a catapult to Australia. Terry, who had already had some of his green on his head, nestled up against me and smiled, dreaming of the day that I had promised him tomorrow. I realized that something was missing in this picture, something important.

It was at that moment when Agent S, better known to me as Sully the Seagull came up to the window. "How's my godchild doing?" Sully asked as soon as I opened the window, "Terry's asleep Sully" I answered, having lost my speech impediment due to my drinking two cans of Bud earlier in the day, "But otherwise he's good." Sully raised his eyebrows in suspicion; he could smell the alcohol on my breath and the redness that had developed in my eyes, for I was not a heavy drinker so when I do it hits me hard. "You've been drinking again haven't you?" Sully asked, frankly disappointed, "It's the only way to control this damned s-stutter S" I answered, "It's not like I can control it." Sully shook his head and entered the room.

Sully strutted over to Terry and gently nuzzled him with his beak, "He's a good kid Perry" Sully said as he looked on lovingly, "If I could be so lucky." I smiled in appreciation, "I don't know what more I could do" I continued, "I don't think I can do this." Sully laughed and sat down on the floor, "You're thinking too much. What does every kid with a single father want more than anything in the world?" I shook my head in disagreement for I already knew the answer, "No Sully. I can't give him that. Not yet." Sully laughed again, this time it was warmer, "Come on Perry! It's time you get out there again. Meet some people, find a girl, marry her and then you're set for life!" I simply shook off the impossibility of it being that simple, "I can't Sully. After what happened with Kate I promised myself I would never fall in love again." Sully groaned, "Kate again? Jesus Christ Perry that was almost three years ago! Yes, her death was tragic and yes she did love you enough but you got to start taking chances once in a while. Kate wouldn't want you to sit here like a boring couch potato. She would want you to be happy and you should too." Sully then moved towards the window, "If not for your sake then for his."

I have to admit, he did have a point, but I am by no means a ladies' man. I could barely muster enough courage when I was with Kate, who was officially my partner and unofficially my on again-off again girlfriend, to even speak normally much less actually do anything physical or otherwise. It is a sad existence that I lead indeed.

Sitting up from the bed, I made my way to the kitchen. Looking at my watch I noticed that it was 5:30 in the morning. So far I was on schedule with my normal routine, but then I remembered that I wasn't an agent anymore. For several minutes all I was able to do was stand in the kitchen and wonder what it was I was doing. I kept thinking about Australia for some reason and the blueprints on Phineas' wall. At the same time, Sully's words came back to mind.

I could feel my spurs on my heels dig into me. They were telling me something and I knew what that thing was. This feeling slowly made its way through all of my extremities. I looked at the calendar on the refrigerator and noticed that today was July 23rd, smack in the middle of the platypus breeding season. "Damn" I said to myself, "Well let's see Perry, you're alone again, you have a kid to support...Wait a minute, no you don't. This thing isn't yours, it's a duck for Christ's sake, just throw it over to Monogram and everything will be fine. But you can't do that can you? No you can't. Why because you're a good person that's why..." I began to bang my head against the refrigerator door, having run out of options and energy.

The next morning I found myself in the kitchen. Looking at the refrigerator door, which was covered in small drops of blood and feeling my head I came to the obvious conclusion that I had banged my head until I lost consciousness. Standing over me was Ferb; next to him were Sully and Terry, both of whom were looking at me with concern. "I-I-I'm ok-k-kay" I said, hating myself for stuttering again, "Don't- Don't-Don't help me." Sully shook his head and turned to Terry, "He's a mess isn't he?" Terry only nodded in agreement, in many ways taking after me. Terry extended his wing, which I took and pulled myself to my feet. _"Is it really that bad?"_ Terry asked, signing for my benefit, _"Yes"_ I signed back, _"it is. I don't know what to do."_ Terry turned to Sully and then back to me, _"I could go to the academy at the OWCA. I mean look at you, you're a mess."_ Terry was many things, one of those things was he was definitely smarter than me. There were some days where he was taking care of me, more than I was taking care of him.

I knew that eventually I would have no choice. I would have to either send Terry over to Monogram or cut the cord completely and send him in the wild. The more I thought about it, the more Monogram seemed like the better situation, for without proper training and guidance, Terry would never last on his own.

If you're feeling cheated right now, as if you were expecting something completely different from this, like the normal cliché father-son story, or the heartwarming tale of redemption or whatever you're thought of, this is not it. It will never be it and it will never try to be it. So if this is the kind of story you were hoping for, stop reading right now.

Ferb just stood there and said nothing. I turned to him to try and get his opinion, before remembering that either he or Phineas understood sign language. Rolling my eyes in annoyance, I began doing Morse code by banging my tail on the counter, _"What do you think of this?"_ I asked, hoping that Ferb would simply speak, sadly he replied back in Morse, _"If what you told me is true. Than Monogram is the best thing for him. Let him go."_ I knew this was going to be his response, I also knew that there was little I was able to do.

Sully took Terry to the OWCA, Monogram was all too happy to accept him. I never saw him again. The light was extinguished, the tunnel had crushed me. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do.


End file.
